Growing up my mom would always tell me that when someone made fun of me or was mean to me that they were doing that because they were jealous of me. I had started school in Maryland and, at the time, in Maryland you started school the year you turned 5, whereas in Kentucky you didn’t start school until you actually turned 5. Since my birthday is at the end of the year (December 29th), I was 6 months younger than most of my classmates. I was also physically smaller than most of my peers; even as an adult I’m only 5’1”. On top of that, I developed a lot earlier than most of the girls in my class and despite trying to coast under the radar, was still recognized for my academic achievements and my writing skills. This made me a target for a lot of insecure people.
I wouldn’t call it bullying because I think bullying requires a negative reaction from the recipient of the bullying and I always just felt sorry for them. My mom’s advice served me well. When a girl in junior high called me fat ass, I knew she was speaking to her own insecurities about not doing as well in school as me. When people spread rumors about me in high school, I didn’t pay much attention because I knew the truth was I had a bright future ahead of me far away from our hometown and I wasn’t going to let anything stand in my way.
Even in adulthood I’ve had to deal with negativity and I usually recognize it as that person just projecting their own insecurities onto me. A particular memory that cropped up yesterday while I was making a buffalo chicken salad was this time I was working at Buffalo Wild Wings as a server and there was this hostess that hated me. My only crime against this girl was that she had a crush on another guy we worked with and he had told her I was more his type. So she asked her whole family to come eat at BWW and sit in my section and basically treat me like garbage and not tip me. Dream big, right? It’s sad really that not only did this scheme of hers occupy any of her time, but that the adults in her life who are supposed to be teaching her how to be a human being agreed to it. I bet she thought she was really clever and that it would have some effect on my life and I don’t even remember her name. I only thought about it the other day because I remember her dad ordered the buffalo chicken salad and I asked him what kind of dressing he wanted and he said “buffalo sauce” and so I clarified and he acted like me making sure he wanted a buffalo chicken salad with just buffalo sauce was the most ridiculous question in the world.
It’s wild to me more so now that I’m living the dream in California, going to law school, and running my own business, that someone would think that something like this would be more than a blip on my path to success. But the truth is it was never about me, it was about her making herself feel a little bit better because someone told her I was prettier than her. Who cares? It’s unlikely you will change anyone’s perception of you, but you can control how you let their image of you change how you perceive yourself.
As many of you know I was in a really bad relationship about a decade ago, which is probably why this former coworker of mine’s antics seem so silly. Like, I had someone telling me I was worthless and stupid every day for 6 months, so if you’re trying to break me, you’re going to have to try a lot harder than that. This man knew I was too good for him and the only way he thought he could keep me was to convince me that I was nothing. Unfortunately for him, I knew better. I started applying for every job I could find and landed my first full-time salary position, went back to school and got my accounting degree, got my CPA license and here I am. He tried so hard to dim my light and all he accomplished was adding fuel to the flames.
I know this isn’t the normal blog post you came here for. There’s no tax strategies or educational tips, but I felt the need to relay this message. I’m in law school now, I’m running my own business, I moved across the country and none of that is easy. And there are times when I think “I can’t do this. I’m not smart enough. I’m not capable. I’m not worthy.” And then I remind myself that that is NOT what I think of myself. Those are the things people tried to convince me I was because they had those same insecurities about themselves. I am so smart, I am so capable, and I’m so worthy. So when those negative thoughts creep in remind yourself that those perceptions did not come from you. Those thoughts came from someone whose perception about you was wrong. Now prove them fucking wrong.
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